A Therapist’s Top 3 Questions for Self-Growth

Why are so many people cracking jokes about an asteroid destroying Earth within the next decade? Why is commentary about the hopelessness of society at an all-time high?

Sadly, many folks are depressed these days. There’s a lot to worry about including inflation, climate change, poverty, war, gender inequality, and unexpected, scary health diagnoses. Too many people are facing a terrible job market while drowning in debt. Others are stuck in toxic relationships while listening to their single besties complain about how lonely they are. 

What if a therapist figured out the three most insightful questions you should ask yourself every morning to change your life? According to Dr. Esther Boykin, LMFT — who spoke with interviewers from HuffPost — here’s what you should ask yourself before starting each day to create high vibrational outcomes.

These three questions are pretty damn basic — but they could help you begin shifting your perception immediately.

How Do I Really Feel Today?

The first question from Esther might sound like a simple cop-out, but it’s a lot deeper than you might realize. Checking in with yourself to uncover how you’re feeling inside is crucial. Without starting your day by asking yourself this question, your emotions can flow in a million different directions. 

Asking yourself, “How do I really feel today?” can be a grounding experience. It gives you the ability to start your day off right. When you first wake up, you typically haven’t had a chance to let fears and worries begin overwhelming your mind. 

When answering this question first thing in the morning, you allow yourself to start your day off right with natural responses that you’re feeling good, happy, or peaceful. If you don’t inherently feel good at all, you allow yourself to start working through your pain rather than suppressing it.

What Do I Need Today?

The second question from Esther is about your needs. What does your list of needs truly look like at the moment? What do you NEED emotionally, physically, spiritually, or energetically? 

Asking yourself this question opens the door to creating a reasonable checklist of actions you can handle throughout the day. Agreeing to complete 30 minutes of exercise, making plans to order a healthy meal for lunch, and remembering to check in with a couple of friends are great ways to be sure your needs are met within a 24-hour period. 

Some days, your needs might be more physical than emotional — and that’s perfectly fine. On other days, it will be the reverse. By thoughtfully answering this question upfront, you pave the way for success in meeting your personal needs.

How Can I Be More Tender or Gentle With Myself Today?

Esther’s third question may be the most important. As human beings, it’s easy to be hard on ourselves. We’re often our own worst critic. No one else will ever judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves. 

Learning how to be more tender and gentle with ourselves is a fantastic goal that everyone should adopt. The standard of how we speak about ourselves should be set high AF. How we think of ourselves is just as significant.

Asking “How can I be more tender or gentle with myself today?” will help you remember to catch yourself before you start muttering nasty things to yourself in your mind — or the mirror. 

A single person looking for love shouldn’t keep thinking they’ll be alone forever. Instead, be gentle with yourself — reminders that true love may be just around the corner at any moment. 

Those struggling with debt and excessive bills shouldn’t keep telling themselves they’ll be broke forever. Instead, chill out —financial freedom is achievable. 

If you hate the way you look, don’t keep beating yourself up and telling yourself you’re ugly. Instead, be kind to yourself and remember that self-improvement is possible and true beauty comes from within.

More insight from Dr. Esther Boykin…

When speaking with HuffPost, Esther explained, “I like to [tell people to] do it before you get out of bed. Take three deep breaths, and then [ask yourself], ‘How do I really feel today? What do I need today? How can I be more tender or gentle with myself today?’ — in that order, because figuring out how you really feel will inform the answers to the next two questions.”

Breathwork paired with this self-questioning is a transforming way to dive into self-reflection and personal growth.

She went on to say, “I really try very hard to practice it daily myself, in large part because I see how it changes things for people. Any of us as therapists, we talk about, like, ‘How do you do the work? How do you sit with your feelings?’ The honest answers tend to be very broad and ambiguous, and it’s hard to wrap your hands around [it], but I’m like ― just these three couple of things, really, there’s this internal shift that happens over time.”

Esther’s wisdom can be life-changing – Especially if you’re focusing on self-love on your mind during your healing journey.